The last two months have been, in one word, frustrating.
I don’t like being frustrated. I like being confident. I like having fun. I LOVE training.
I dislike being limited. I dislike feeling like less than myself. I dislike doubting myself. There has been a lot of that going on the past few weeks and I’m not proud of it. I vowed this year to have fun.
My shoulder turned into more of a bummer than I anticipated. It kept me from training the way I want to until last week. I’m feeling the time off from pushing and pulling. I know the next few weeks will be a struggle. The biggest struggle, however, will not be physical, but mental.
After my finish at last year’s regional, I left with a drive and focus that I had not felt before. I spent the summer working on weaknesses and seeing some really great improvements. A set back like an injury is exactly that, a set back. It does not have to define what you will be capable of in the future. I’ve been “present minded”. “I can’t do this yet”, “I’m not as good at this as I used to be”, blah, blah, wah, wah.
When I really think about it, the things I’ve been able to do since being “off” for two months are a fairly good indicator of where I am capable of being in the next three months. I hit my PR on my snatch within a week of snatching again. It felt amazing. One of many good signs.
Competing on this level is not for the faint of heart. It is not easy. You can’t just be good, you have to want it. I want it. I have wanted it since the that day I stepped into CrossFit Jenks in 2008. I have wanted it since I competed in my first competition at the Hell’s Half Acre Qualifier in 2009. I have wanted it since I missed qualifying for the games because my hspu’s were slow in 2010. I have wanted it since I bombed my thruster in 2011. I have wanted it since I gave everything I had and came up a little short in 2012. I can’t be scared of what will happen if I give everything I have and fall short. I should be scared of what will happen if I go through this process half-hearted and regret it four months from now.
I love this so, so, so, so much. I would add one more so, but I think that would be too much. The sacrifice that has been made by those who have been to The Games and wish to go to The Games is tremendous. We train roughly 15 hours a week. That type of time commitment outside of work and family cannot be made for something that you just do. That type of commitment is made for things you love, obsess about and cannot live without. This time of year our weekends are dedicated to training and other things have to take a back seat. Whether I end up 2nd or 20th, my worth is not in the finish.
A friend of mine recently said….
No, a person is not defined by their shortcomings or even their achievements. They are defined by their pursuit, by what drives them, what tiny, innumerable decisions they make and, most importantly, by HOW they are in the midst of success, failure, tragedy, triumph and striving to be something more than just ordinary.
I take pride in being more than just ordinary. It is a part of who I am. It is a part of what I try to pull out of people as a coach and friend. It is why I do what I love. Being less than I am capable of is just not who I am.
Training is hard. It is physically demanding. It is mentally exhausting. It is also exhilarating and rewarding.
Thank you to each person who has been involved with my successes over the last five years and who will be over the upcoming months. Let’s be honest, without all of you I would be a complete disaster and no jar of Nutella would be safe.
I leave you with a very armature video of the first WOD from our sectional in 2010. It makes me laugh. This was before The Open existed. A much simpler time. Kody still yells the exact same way, however, I don’t have my own chalk bucket anymore. My friends Candice Ruiz, Paige Millspaugh and Amy Quimby all make cameo appearances.